Love YOU first...confessions of a (tired) daydreamer

I'm proud of you.  I'm proud of you for doing your best to be okay.  I'm proud of you for fighting through the hard days.  I'm proud of you for never quitting.    I'm proud of you for being here today. Because I know that there are days when you didn't think you'd make it. I know there are yesterdays that felt so hard and you felt like giving up. I know there are things you don't talk about; things that make you feel invisible, scared, insignificant.  But let me tell you something - it's going to be ok. I don't know what you're going through but I know that you're going to make it through it. You're going to come out of this even stronger. Keep fighting for you, even if no one else does. Fight because you're worth it. You deserve all of the love and happiness. You deserve to feel safe and secure. You deserve to feel seen and heard. You are the most amazing person on earth because you are YOU. There is no one in the world who offer

Hey stranger. Long time no talk. I hope you are well.  It's about 6:50pm local time and pitch dark outside. I am sitting here in my car, listening to the rain tinging on the rooftop and watching it create the most interesting river on my windshield. Its a soccer training evening for my girl and usually I use this time to run errands, but today I'm choosing to write. I'm choosing to sit and be still with my thoughts, and let the words just flow through the keyboard. So much has been going on and time seems to be flying by way too fast. It's January 2023! How did we get here already? I wish there was a way to just pause time. Slow the world, the weeks, the days down just a bit. Make it all stop... If only.   As I sit here in the cold car, I find my mind spinning in so many different directions. From current life circumstances, to events of this past year, to the excitement of new opportunities that the new year holds, and all that's in between. There's just so muc

A few weeks ago, I started on a journey to fix to myself. I've been in a bad head space for awhile and nothing I have done on my own has gotten me any closer to healing. I know what I want in my life but I just don't know how to get there...and it's been exhausting. I feel like I am taking one step forward and three steps back, over and over again. Like I'm dancing on the same stepping stone making no progress, spinning around in circles falling flat on my face only to get back up and do it all over again. I decided that the cycle needed to stop and so I made the commitment to myself to see this through.  My first visit was an emotional train wreck. I don't know what I expected, but it wasn't that. Yes, I am an emotional girl and I have big feelings, but that was like walking into a jewelry store and getting pelted in the face with 1000 water balloons. By the time it was over, I felt spent; in every way possible. Drained. Confused. Broken. Exhausted. Angry. Sad.

This is something I never wanted to write. Something I never thought that I would have to write about...and that point right there is the issue. The "it won't happen to me" mentality that so many of us have. Except this isn't about me but it hits every mama bear nerve in my heart.  And it sucks.  I received a call on Friday from my daughters teacher. It was a call no parent want's to receive. I found out that my poor sweet girl was the victim of some serious cyber-bullying that then spilled into the classroom and I had no idea. A parent of another student brought forth some evidence of horrific things happening in a group chat after hours. Her daughter and my daughter were the targets. Five of her classmates...people she called friends...were spewing hate and breaking their spirits. As the teacher is telling me these things over the phone, my heart started breaking and I just wanted to wrap my girl up and make it all better.  But I couldn't. I wasn't there

Friends. Sunshine. Bonfires. Happy Hour. Belly Laughs. Road Trips.  Spring Break was exactly what my heart needed.  Have you ever been in such a funk that you felt no joy in doing everyday things? I was there. Everyday was dull. Nothing made my heart smile. Nothing made me feel accomplished. Nothing gave me satisfaction. I was to a point where I needed a recharge. I needed to get out of my four walls and breathe. My daughter was there, too. She needed to get out...far away. She needed friends. She needed joy. We needed a vacation in the worst way. So with little planning, we went.  And it was worth it.  Sleepovers. Junk Food. Pillow Fights. Ice Cream. Movies. Outdoor Fun. Walks. Park Visits.  It brought joy back into our lives. It put smiles on our faces. It re-energized our hearts and souls. I wish it would have lasted longer and she wishes we would have never left. There is just something about "home" that will always be our favorite place. There is something magical about

Music is life. It speaks to my soul.  I know I've written about it before but this time, it's about a specific song. I heard it the other day and it captured me. It sucked me in. I didn't know who sang it or what it was called but the melody was repeating itself over and over in my brain. Well, today while working at my desk, I heard it again.  "I want it all" by The Script. I dowloaded it and listened to it over and over. Eyes closed, I let it speak to me. I needed to figure out the words...they were so profound and each time, I felt a deeper connection. How have I never heard this song before? The Script is one of my favorite bands - their music is on point, every song is perfection. I don't know how I missed this one, but I was sold on it.  It speaks my life out loud. It speaks the words on my heart that I wish he knew. The thing about music is that somedays it's about getting lost in the song and other days it's about connecting with the lyrics. Th