Mama Bear

This is something I never wanted to write. Something I never thought that I would have to write about...and that point right there is the issue. The "it won't happen to me" mentality that so many of us have. Except this isn't about me but it hits every mama bear nerve in my heart. 

And it sucks. 

I received a call on Friday from my daughters teacher. It was a call no parent want's to receive. I found out that my poor sweet girl was the victim of some serious cyber-bullying that then spilled into the classroom and I had no idea. A parent of another student brought forth some evidence of horrific things happening in a group chat after hours. Her daughter and my daughter were the targets. Five of her classmates...people she called friends...were spewing hate and breaking their spirits. As the teacher is telling me these things over the phone, my heart started breaking and I just wanted to wrap my girl up and make it all better. 

But I couldn't. I wasn't there. 

It felt like hours until I was able to get home and hug her. As I was asking her about this incident, she began to open up and tell me that it's "happened multiple times before." She told me that she had been deleting those messages before bed so that I wouldn't find out. I was crushed. My sweet girl was hurting and I had no idea. You see, I check her devices every night and she knows that is part of the deal. As I sat holding her phone, I began blocking numbers and searching through deleted messages. The things I saw were so awful. I reassured her that home is a safe place to talk and share things with me...especially things like this. I told her that it's ok to cry. It's ok to be angry. It's ok to FEEL our feelings. And it's always ok, no matter what, to tell me anything because I love her more than life and nothing will ever change that. 

There were lots of tears that night. We sat...and I just held my sweet girl. 

My heart is so broken. I took her back to see her friends over Spring Break because I knew she needed it. She's been off lately and she just tells me its because she misses "home" and wishes she could go back. Now it makes sense. And I wish so much that I could fix it. 

Why do kids have to be so mean to each other? Why does this world have to be so cruel? I hate that we've all become so technology dependent. It's sad to me that some parents aren't involved in their children's lives. It's mind blowing that they don't check in and see these behaviors, care about the words they say or even monitor whats happening with their children's devices, especially in the era of sexual predators having so much access to them! The only reason my daughter even has a device is because I can't always be there between school and soccer and I need to know that she's safe and we can get ahold of each other if needed. I am just so sick and angry over the fact that the very thing I gave her to keep her safe is the very thing that has broken her.

Friends, as I am writing this, reliving the moments of Friday, I am a blubbering mess. I just can't even believe that we're dealing with (far beyond) mean girl stuff in FOURTH GRADE! She thought these people were her friends and that's terrifying. My ten year old daughter sat there and told me that she believed she was a terrible person and that this was all her fault. I mean...what on earth!? The girl who loves school, LOVES her friends, kicks ass at soccer and is honestly one of the most strong and independent people I know, was full on broken and made to feel less than worthy of being on this earth. I just cannot even begin to explain how awful that is. There are no words. 

What I do know though, is that my daughter is going to be ok. It's going to take time and a lot of self worthy affirmations, but one thing I know is that she is a fighter with a big heart. She will bounce back and she will rise above. And this mama bear will make it my mission that she knows, every single day, just how truly loved she really is. 

Friends, go love on someone. The world needs more kindness. 

xoxo,
T