Love YOU first...confessions of a (tired) daydreamer

I am a simple girl and I find joy in the small things. I don't need the big, over-the-top things to make my heart happy. I cherish my friends, I live for special moments, and I embrace the simple life.   Today, I experienced my first snow fall in my new home state. It was beautiful and so peaceful! It only lasted a few hours but it brought so much joy to my heart. There is just something special about snow that this Oregon girl loves...it's one of my favorite things! This got me thinking...  Unexpected snowfall. A coffee date. Going on a hike. Wine tasting. Floating the river. Camping. Watching football. Pedicures. Snuggling with my dog. Family time. Celebrating birthdays. Laughing until my cheeks hurt. Hanging with friends. Walking on the beach. Watching the sunset. Playing mini golf. Having pillow fights. DIY projects. Cheering on my kids... These are just a few of my favorite things. Friends, what brings you joy? What makes your heart happy? Are you a sucker for the si...

I started this little blog, my safe space, a year ago on November 21st. The months that followed were a dark time for me; a period of transition into finding my true self again. I struggled to find the hope and joy that I so desperately needed around me and tried to convince myself that I was brave enough to take on life full force.  I wanted (tried) to create a space that I could share my true feelings and hide behind the screen, concealing my true identity. I wanted to be a positive light for someone out there who might be able to relate. I wanted to offer hope and I believe that it helped...even if for just a hot minute.  Then life happened and I got caught up in all the chaos. Again.  And here I am starting all over. Again.  What I can tell you, though, is that I've missed you. I've missed this. Writing, journaling, blogging...it's what keeps me sane. It helps on the hard days and makes the good days that much better. We forget small details, kind gestures, hurt ...

Eyes closed. Breathe in. Exhale. Eyes open.  I'm about to tell you something that most people don't know about me. I'm about to share a secret that most people wouldn't believe. I'm about to speak my truth and share it with the world.  I write these words here about being brave, worthy and positive. I tell you to fight for your dreams and go after what you want. I share heart felt stories and encourage you to believe in yourself. I tell you that happiness is the key to life.  Friends, all of this is true and I want all of this for you.  But what if I told you that I struggle with all of those things for myself? What if I said that self confidence and self acceptance are my weakness. What if I said that I drown in self doubt. What if I said I don't feel worthy of happiness or love. What if I told you that the things I want in life aren't achievable because they don't belong to me. That all the material things I have in life belong to someone else's dr...

Dear Brave Girl,  Somewhere along the way, you lost your shine. You let the weight of the world hold you down. You forgot who you were and what your purpose on this earth was. You listened to the voices that told you that you weren't good enough, not skinny enough, not brave enough, not worthy enough. You succumbed to the life of settling...a life of ordinary. You stopped believing in yourself. You battled the demons in your head and you let them win. You lost your smile, your passion, your light. You became broken.  But you're still standing.  And I am here to remind you of who YOU are.  You are a warrior. You are a survivor. You have overcome everything that was supposed to break you down because you kept getting back up. You faced it all head on. You are strong. You are brave. You are worthy of so much more than you give yourself credit for. You have power in your story. You never quit. You step up and take on the burdens of others, without hesitation. You keep gi...

When you become a parent, no one tells you about all the hard parts. I'm not talking about the sleepless nights, the crying for hours, or the fact that losing the baby weight can sometimes take years. I'm not talking about the teething, the "terrible twos" or even the grocery store tantrums. I'm not talking about the hours of screaming in long car rides, the battles over food or the endless outgrowing of clothes. I'm not talking about the sassy attitudes or the frustrations over doing school work.  Nope, none of that is relevant here.  I am talking about the other hard parts. The big feelings, the borrowed time, and the fact that your heart is forever living outside of your body.  I'm talking about the tears of disappointment when they fail their first test or lose their first game. The heartbreak of a first love. I'm talking about watching them ride off to school on the bus for the first time, or dropping them off and waving goodbye as they walk away....

Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I never met you. If all the pieces and roads that led me to that very place, that moment, hadn't happened. I think back to the few weeks prior when my life was headed a different direction. I wonder what life would be like now, had that detour happened.  Sometimes I wonder where we would be had you not left. Would we have made it, then? Would our lives look like our plans and dreams that we thought? I wonder where our journey would have taken us, what memories we would have made and what adventures we would have experienced. I wonder where we'd be at today.  Sometimes I wonder if you miss us. The dynamic trio. I wonder if you miss the fun we had and the memories we made. I wonder if you thought about him growing up and wishing you could be there too. I think he would have loved you. I wish he could have known you. I wish you could know him now like you did back then. I sure miss you and I wonder if you miss me too.  Sometimes ...

Friends, do you have a tribe? Do you have people there to catch your fall, to listen to your ramblings, to love you fiercely through life? If not a tribe, do you have a person? That one support person that is there for every high and every low? Someone who knows you better than you know yourself? Someone who never leaves? If the answer is no, then let me be your person.  I will walk with you in the trenches and help you claw your way out of the darkness. I will be your voice when you feel so broken that you can't speak. I will be your compass when you feel lost and alone in the world. I will be the wall you can lean on when you're tired and you can't stand. I will sit with you in silence and I will celebrate every victory. I will hold your hand while you cry and I will hug all your broken pieces back together. Let me be your person and I will help you build your tribe.  Everyone needs a tribe and I am so grateful for mine.  A simple text. A short video message. A quick FB...