Sometimes I Wonder...
Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I never met you. If all the pieces and roads that led me to that very place, that moment, hadn't happened. I think back to the few weeks prior when my life was headed a different direction. I wonder what life would be like now, had that detour happened.
Sometimes I wonder where we would be had you not left. Would we have made it, then? Would our lives look like our plans and dreams that we thought? I wonder where our journey would have taken us, what memories we would have made and what adventures we would have experienced. I wonder where we'd be at today.
Sometimes I wonder if you miss us. The dynamic trio. I wonder if you miss the fun we had and the memories we made. I wonder if you thought about him growing up and wishing you could be there too. I think he would have loved you. I wish he could have known you. I wish you could know him now like you did back then. I sure miss you and I wonder if you miss me too.
Sometimes I wonder why I walked away. Why I guarded my heart and pretended I was strong. Why I hurt you. I lost the one thing that was all I ever wanted and I didn't even know it. I wonder what the lesson was and I wonder why you didn't fight. I wish so much I could go back and change time. I wonder if I knew then, that it would be the last time, would I have still walked away?
Sometimes I wonder how we keep finding ourselves back to this place. The place of familiar territory, yet uncharted waters. I wonder what is the reason we can't stay away. I wonder when the cycle will stop. Or if it will. Sometimes I hope it doesn't, yet other times I beg it to, because my heart can’t take it anymore. I wonder what the end result is, if there is one. I wonder when it will finally be our turn again. I wonder if we will ever find that we were meant to be.
Sometimes I wonder...and lay awake and cry myself to sleep.
Sometimes I wonder...and catch myself thinking about you in the middle of my day.
Sometimes I wonder...do you miss me, too?
Sometimes I wonder...when will I be ok again.
Sometimes I wish I could just forget about you and pretend we never met. And sometimes I wish we never let each other go.
Sometimes I wonder if this is goodbye...because it's slowly killing me to live this life without you.
xoxo,
T
Our path in life, no matter how ragged, hard or terrible it may seem, is still our path. Steps taken, whether stumbled through or taken boldly in measured strides are still steps along the path. These steps still always lead you to where you are going and shape who you are.
ReplyDeleteRest assured T, that no matter how hard the steps, no matter how tough the storm feels in these moments, you're still making progress, you're still evolving, still shaping you and still headed towards your goal. Even if you can't see that goal yet.
My heart is so heavy for you and for the pain you are carrying, but I also know that you are a resilient, beautiful, strong woman and that above all else, you SOOOO got this. Anyone that could have the opportunity to have you in their life and not JUMP at the chance to do it is an idiot and does not deserve you.
I am so proud of your strength, your determination and your ability to rise.
Do you sis. I got your back.
Always.
D