I need a break

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Life. It has a funny way of kicking you in the ass when you're already down. 

For weeks, it's sucked. SO much. Actually, it's like being in a monsoon without a coat. Like a sucker punch in the gut from an angry toddler because you tied their shoe so they wouldn't trip. Like a spoon caught in the garbage disposal. Like a bottle of fine wine yet you don't have a corkscrew to open it. Or maybe like Alanis Morissette's song...Ironic.  

Maybe like all of it. 

I am exhausted. My brain is mentally tired. My body is physically weary. My heart is emotionally broken. 

I don't have it in me anymore. I am constantly beat down, there's never any compromise and everything is always my fault. I have tried over and over to be supportive. I have tried over and over to understand where I went wrong. I have tried countless times to do things differently, to set boundaries and be respectful for all involved. But it is so hard. How is it ok to be disrespected over and over again? To just allow the hurtful words and underhanded remarks? To just be silent and walk away? Why does standing up for yourself feel like the endless feat? Why do I feel like I am drowning and all alone?

My kids. My friends. My extended family. I will ALWAYS fight for them.

However, I know that I need to fight for me too. Because I am worth. 

I have a great job. I have established a great place here for my kids.  I have a car thats reliable. I have friends who love me. I have a sweet dog I get to cuddle everyday. I have (too many) clothes in my closet and shoes for my feet. I live in a beautiful place (that most times feels unreal). And I am so grateful for all of it. I know that I deserve this because I have worked hard to get to this place. I have sacrificed so much, yet gained so much at the same time. 

But it's still so hard. It's hard to be in this place of wanting to be so happy and enjoy each day, when all I can do is feel the hurt and pain. The loneliness. The long and endless sleepless nights. The tears that creep in at the most inconvenient times. The feeling of failure...over and over again.

Where do I go from here? Whats the next step? Whats the right answer? Is there anyone out there with a magic spell? Can someone just make it all ok again? 

Because I can't do this anymore. I need a break...from all the things. 

Friends, when you are overwhelmed and you are at your breaking point, what is your go to? What is your escape? Share your secrets because right now I'm struggling and I need your help.  

I love YOU.

xoxo,
T





Comments

  1. No LAG hereMarch 7, 2022 at 12:34 PM

    Sometimes, the hardest thing to do, especially when you are someone like YOU, is to remind yourself that YOU deserve love, respect and all the things.

    Sometimes it can be hard to remember that if you do not love yourself and if you aren't happy, it is 10x harder to provide that for others.

    You are amazing, kind and so so worth love and happiness. Make sure when you are fighting for your loved ones, that you are on the list of LOVED ONES too.

    I can offer this. If someone else were to describe this situation to you, what advice would you offer them? What support would you give them?
    Do that for you too sis.

    <3

    ReplyDelete

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