Taking Risks

Taking risks is always scary. I am not one who typically dives head first into the unknown. I'm a planner. I am a thinker. I thrive on the details and mark off the to-do lists. So when life throws curveballs, my little world becomes chaotic. 

However, sometimes taking risks can be exciting. The kind that you see coming. The kind that you have been wishing and hoping for. The ones that you have a good enough plan to say "yes" to even though you can't see the whole staircase. Those are the ones that have the possibility of changing your life forever. 

On March 6th, I took the biggest risk. I packed up my life and headed east. I left behind everything I've ever known...my home, my friends, and my family. I left the state that I was born and raised in, the one I never thought that I would leave, for a new adventure...a risk, a chance, a hope and dream of seeking better. Better for myself, better for my kids, better for what life had in store for my family. The only plan I had, was to start a job two days later and live in the spare bedroom of a friends house, waiting for my rental to be available. That was it...that was the plan. I couldn't see the whole staircase. I couldn't even see past the first day of a new job in a new industry. I was scared out of my mind but excited beyond belief. I was so proud of myself that I took the steps forward while grieving everything I was leaving behind. But it was hard. 

So.very.hard. 

I made it through the first week with smiles and excitement. I battled the time change, the new schedule and learning all the new things. I felt like everything was going to be ok...like I was going to be ok. But then it all hit me...on my birthday...and for the next week, I cried everyday. I cried because I did it. I cried because I was happy. I cried because I was sad. I cried because I was overwhelmed and scared. I cried about it all. 

I started doubting myself. I started missing home. I started to wonder if the risk was really worth it anymore. Did I make a mistake? Was I really doing the right thing or was I running away from feeling insignificant back home? All the reasons I told myself I needed to do this, were valid. All the feelings I knew in my heart were the right ones. But the curveballs that life was throwing, were rocking my world. 

And it got harder. 

Soon my kids were here, my dog was here and we started to adjust to life in a small space. We struggled to establish routines. We struggled emotionally to the major life change. We butted heads and we set boundaries. We lashed out and then we cried together. Little by little, we started to figure it out and each day became a little less chaotic. Small glimmers of hope started to creep in and slowly we began to smile more, love more, fight less and grow in our little space. 

It's been a month since I got here and 3 weeks since my kids joined me. We are still learning, growing and trying to figure out this new life. It isn't always sunshine and rainbows but we are trying. Everyday is a new adventure and we are embracing it all with open arms. 

Even through all the pain, the tears, the laughs, and the excitement, there is one thing I am grateful for...taking the risk. I still can't see the whole staircase, but I honestly believe that it will change my life forever. 

xoxo,

T