Missing you

Friends, have you ever missed someone? I mean, deeply and fiercely missed someone? Just the thought of them brings tears to your eyes - for all the right reasons? Whomever it may be...a loved one, a friend, a former flame, or a family member. Have you truly missed someone to the point where it consumes every part of you?  

That’s where my head space is at today...missing someone so very much. 

It’s been 17 years. 17 long years and I am missing them something fierce today. Like I’ve never missed anything in my life. I can’t stop thinking about them, dreaming about them, “seeing” them in my daily life. I’ve missed others before, but never like this. This person is (was) special. 

They were my person. They knew every dark secret, they knew every victory and we had so many plans for so much more. They were the one who cheered me up when I was having a bad day or would call just to say hi and ask how my day was. They loved my son like their very own. We spent every waking moment together that we could, and we went on the most memorable, crazy adventures. They were the person who would hug all my broken pieces back together and laugh away all my worries. They were the person that would do anything for me, just as I would do for them. They were my very best friend in the entire world.

And then life happened. 

They moved away. We tried to stay close but we drifted apart. So far apart, that it was 6 years before I saw them again. And the minute my eyes saw them, it was like a flood of memories rushing back. In my heart, I felt all the feels. 

But it was too late. 

We couldn’t fix it. We both had moved on and filled the void in our hearts. But the love was still there...just like it had been before. Everything else was changed - the plans, the dreams, the time we had missed had been filled with people, who were strangers to each of us. It was like I was meeting my best friend from a former life...but in real time. 

It’s been 11 years since that day. We’re both married, have kids, and live in two different states. Two totally different lives. There’s an old saying, “the phone knows no distance,” but in the current age of technology, texting, snapping, facebooking just seems easier. We’ve connected a few times and we’ve tried to rekindle a friendship that was severely broken (or rather, non existent.) 

Still, we’ve failed. 

Even after all this time, I still miss them. I miss the fun, the laughs, and pulling all nighters. I miss their hugs, the tears, the doing nothing and yet having the best time of our lives together at the same time. I miss the silly fights, the celebrations, the parties, and dreaming of the future. I miss being stranded on the road in the middle of nowhere...twice...in the hot central Oregon heat. I miss the late night studying sessions, the long talks, and the way we’d finish each others sentences. I miss everything about them and I wish they knew just how much.

So here it goes....

Hey you (you know who you are) ~  

If you're reading this, I miss you. I miss us; the us that conquered the world together all those years ago. I miss your smile, your hugs, your bold opinions, and your advice. I miss our Subway lunch dates and getting my morning Starbucks before class. I miss the snowball fights in the parking lot, the broken down cars, and all the endless adventures and laughs. But most of all, I miss all the times that we didn’t get to have. The time we can’t get back. So I was hoping, maybe one day, we can play catch up...and try again. 

Because I love you...still. SO big.  

“Sometimes memories sneak out of my eyes and roll down my cheeks.” -unknown 

xoxo,

T