Love YOU first...confessions of a (tired) daydreamer

It's been 315 days since my kids saw the inside of a classroom. It's been 315 days since I last went to work inside a building, at a job I loved. It's been 315 days since my kids were able to play a sport or compete. It's been 315 days since we have been able to sit and eat inside a restaurant. It's been 315 days since we've been stuck in this pandemic hell.   I am done.  Everything around me is closing, left and right. I can't go to the gym but people can go to the mall. My kids cant go to school or play on a playground, but city officials allow riots and protests, daily. I can't travel across state lines without having to quarantine for 14 days when I get home, but our county commissioners can take vacations to Mexico or Hawaii and get paid the entire time. Colleges are still giving out scholarships for students across the nation while our kids are sitting at home contemplating suicide from being isolated for so long.  How does any of this make sense? 

Pink, white and specks of grey; shimmering in the light. Perched up on the shelf, in its spot, for all to see. The most beautiful, perfect vase.   One minute, it was there. The next minute, it was gone.  But she didn't cry. She wasn't sad. It happened in slow motion, in her mind, like everything else in her life. With no explanation and seemingly without effort. There was nothing she could do except stare at the mess.  Broken.  Shattered.  All over the floor.  Without emotion, she cleaned it up. Like she did with everything else. Alone. Cleaning up a mess that wasn't hers.  As she was picking up the pieces, it hit. Was this a symbol of what was to come? Was this the universe silently screaming in her face "here is your sign!?"  Why now? Why today? The rollercoaster of emotions are enough to break her spirit. She feels like a rag doll, being drug through the mud. Torn into two, and being duct taped back together.  When is enough, going to be enough?  She can't

Cancer.  It's a disease that affects millions all over the world and I am sure that you know someone whose been impacted by it. Maybe you have personal experience with it. Maybe you are a lucky one who has survived it.  I am one of those lucky ones.  To hear your name attached to a word that is the deadliest disease known to mankind, is scary as hell. One doctors appointment, one pregnancy, one miracle baby...one diagnosis changed the trajectory of my life. At 26 years old, this was not how I saw my future. To be perfectly honest, I never thought in a million years this would be my life path. I guess I was naive or maybe I just took my health for granted. Either way, there is nothing in any book or movie that can prepare anyone for what happens to you when you get a medical diagnosis such as this.  So many people think that one surgery, one medication or one diagnosis is no big deal. Well, I am here to prove you wrong. It's so much more than that. It's the dozens of doctors